


Lies You Tell Yourself

by panpipe



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panpipe/pseuds/panpipe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt is really good at lying to himself. For example, it was okay that Jeremy got turned into some psycho vampire hunter and he was in charge of helping Jeremy train. Even though Jeremy was a million times stronger and Matt was just a pathetic <i>human</i>. It was okay using Caroline to entrap Klaus. It was okay when he was bait to make Elena turn on her humanity. Just like it's okay that he's going on this insane road trip, with only an Original vampire as his companion. It's really fine. What happens on the road stays on the road, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lies You Tell Yourself

Matt is really good at lying to himself.

 

Cases in point:

It was okay that Elena drank his blood, if it meant she could survive.

It was okay that Elena was dating Stefan.

It was okay that he and Caroline broke up.

It was okay that Caroline started dating Tyler.

It was okay when Tyler skipped town and left him the house and told him to keep Caroline safe.

It was okay that Jeremy got turned into some psycho vampire hunter and he was in charge of helping Jeremy train. Even though Jeremy was a million times stronger and Matt was just a pathetic _human_.

It was okay using Caroline to entrap Klaus.

It was okay when he was bait to make Elena turn on her humanity.

Just like it's okay that he's going on this insane road trip, with only an Original vampire as his companion. It's really fine. What happens on the road stays on the road, after all.

 

They fly to Italy first. Rebekah insists that they land in Rome, and do the tourist bit there first. They get into the city late, however, with just enough time to have dinner and then head back to the hotel. They'll go to the Colosseum and the Forum tomorrow, she promises.

"After all, if this is your first trip outside of Mystic Falls, we need to make sure you have all the best photos. Make everyone suitably jealous."

Rebekah's family owns an apartment in town. "We own one in Brienno too, so no need to worry about hotel expenses," she says, waving her hand, and smiling with almost childlike excitement.

Matt doesn't understand how she can be so casual about something so insane. Why, yes, we have homes in almost every city on Earth, doesn't everyone? He tries to pay for their dinner the first night, and Rebekah waves his money away, refuses to let him pay for a single thing since they arrive.

It hurts his pride, a bit. He agonized for days in advance on how much money to convert to Euros, what bills he should convert it to, how many of each. He'd pulled out a hefty chunk of his savings in preparation for this. He'd been prepared to buy her at least a _few_ fancy dinners, because that's what guys do, right? He'd picked out a few restaurants too, thanks to his trusty friend, Yelp.

He tries to tell her that much later that night, in the apartment, as she’s showing him the rooms. He hadn't wanted to make a scene at the restaurant. She laughs, and tells him he's silly -- and again, that same childlike innocence about how relationships really work. Matt doesn't understand. Is Rebekah really this clueless?

But he thinks maybe it's just that she's not used to people who aren't under her control. That she's been this ruthless Original vampire for so long, that she forgets people don't like doing everything you say without compulsion.

His thoughts take a different course when her laughter changes to a more coy smile, and a hand caressing his face, as she quickly closes the distance between them.

Matt remembers she could crush his spine with just the power in her pinky finger, and he shivers.

He lies and tells himself this isn’t that exciting. That he’s had away trips with his girlfriends before.

Really, it’s just the one girlfriend. Elena. They were dumb, stupid kids. Lied to their parents and stole away to the Gilbert lake house for a weekend. It was awkward, uncoordinated, and the term “bumping uglies” applied much more than “making love”. They never tried it again. The away trip, that is, not the sex.

He’d never gotten the chance with Caroline, though he thinks he’d probably have been more coordinated that time.

It makes him nervous, because as he thinks about _his_ overnight stays, he starts to think about all of the overnight stays _Rebekah_ surely has had, as she’s been alive -- what, nearly 1,000 years? _Shit_ , he thinks, and right as Rebekah leans in to kiss him, he backs away, and stumbles onto the bed that was right behind him.

Matt sees the change on her face instantly. She shifts from being happy, jubilant and carefree ageless spirit, and quickly transforms into a scared, nervous, self-conscious teenage girl.

“ _Shit_ ,” he says, out loud this time.

“I-I’m sorry,” she stutters. “I just thought, you know, that we had, um, an understanding, with the kiss before, and the trip, and-- I’m so sorry, Matt, I shouldn’t have assumed that it meant anything at all and--” She’s looking all around the room, making eye contact him only for brief periods of time as she talks, and backing away with each pause in her babble.

Matt reaches out to grasp her arm before she’s out of his reach, before she sprints off and locks herself in one of the other rooms in the apartment. “That’s not-- it’s not a problem. You’re not the problem. I am. I started thinking about, about how many guys you’ve probably had with you and--”

Rebekah’s expression changes from one of insecurity and self-hatred to one of rage. Immeasurable anger, and he can see it’s all directed at him. _Shit_ , he thinks. _Matt Donovan, king of sticking my foot in my mouth._

“Well _excuse me_ , I thought you were someone who was _above_ caring about things like that. I suppose I was wrong,” and on “wrong” she wrests her arm from Matt’s fingers -- ouch -- and speeds out of the room. A blink, and she's simply gone.

He spends a few minutes debating if it’s worth trying to explain himself further, and then remembers all that mumbojumbo about how vampires “feel” things so much more than humans, and he thinks yes, he should probably explain himself, immediately.

Matt knocks on the door to one of the other bedrooms, the one whose direction he saw her speeding off. “Rebekah, please, that’s not what I mea--”

“GO AWAY!” she shouts over his attempt to break the silence.

Matt sighs. It’s not going to be a very fun vacation if they can’t talk this out.

“I _said_ that’s not what I meant. _I_ am the problem. Not you. You’ve seen so much, and been so many places, and Rebekah, I’ve only been on an overnight trip with a girl _once_ before, and it was really freaking awkward. And so I got nervous earlier. That’s all.”

He waits a few beats, but-- no response. Matt sighs, and heads back to the room Rebekah had left him in. He supposes it is his for tonight, at least. Maybe Rebekah is in the other room right now, booking him a flight back to Mystic Falls.

He was really, really dumb to think this could even work. That some Original vampire could care about him long enough to want him around, to want him around just because he’s Matt Donovan. In the end, no one wants that. Ever. They like him, sure, but he’s never first choice.

He doesn’t know why he even tried.

 

It’s much later, maybe a few hours, as he’s stared at the ceiling and mentally kicked himself at least 15 times, that he hears the door to his bedroom creak open. He lifts his head from the bed, and sees Rebekah standing there -- that scared, insecure smile this time. He grins, lop-sided, just barely restrains his laughter because, c’mon, it’s more than a little funny that a thousand year old vampire can barely keep her emotions from being written all over her face, and even funnier that Matt Donovan, simple human Matt Donovan, could be the source.

He lifts himself to lean on his elbows, and in that time, Rebekah has already whisked herself to sit next to him on the bed. She’s staring intently into his eyes, and he feels his cheeks redden. It’s difficult, being watched so closely. He often wonders if she can read minds, but knows that’s ridiculous -- if she could, she wouldn’t be so insecure.

“I’m a bit new at this too,” she says, sheepishly. “I’m sorry. It has been... a very long time since I’ve had a relationship. Any sort of remotely healthy relationship. I’ve forgotten the pacing.”

Matt looks away from her, towards the door, and then flops back on the bed, his hands to his face, rubbing at his eyes and his temples. “I don’t think there’s any kind of pacing,” he says finally. “I think it’s just supposed to happen.”

She lays down next to him, and her body is obviously tight with tension and nerves that he automatically moves a hand to grasp hers, to comfort her. He turns his head so he can smile at her. It’s awkward, and unsure -- just like the smile she returns to him.

They both turn back to the ceiling, and watch it wordlessly until Matt falls asleep.

 

He’s not sure if Rebekah fell asleep that night or not, but when he wakes up, she’s already packed all of their bags and sent them on ahead to Brienno.

“It’s easier this way, isn’t it?” is all she says, before pushing him into the bathroom and ordering him to get ready _immediately_ ; there’s a lot of ground to cover before their trip to Brienno.

 

They laugh over the souvenirs in the Colosseum gift shop, and laugh harder at Matt’s attempted Italian pronunciation. The two stop for gelato on their way to the Forum, and when Matt stops Rebekah from paying, offering his Euros instead, she smiles shyly and lets him.

Rebekah translates all of the graffiti they see, and tells him stories of her time in Rome. The Forum was already in ruins by the time her family got there, so the stories are more about the way the Forum looked at that time, but Matt watches Rebekah, transfixed, as her eyes light up, and she excitedly talks about all of the mischief she and her brothers used to get up to, the way they stalked through the city at night, unnoticed. The light on her face is nearly blinding.

He lies to himself and accepts the omittance in her story, that when they were stalking the city at night, they weren’t hunting humans as prey. Forgets that her brothers are ruthless killers -- that she is one herself.

 

They arrive in Brienno early in the morning, and both of them slept in the car the night before on the way over. Well, Matt assumes they both slept, anyway. Matt doesn’t question the driver Rebekah has hired, and doesn’t question if the driver was hired or compelled. After all, what happens on the road stays on the road, right? It doesn’t matter.

Another lie.

He has to admit, the town is beautiful. Stunning, even. The church tour takes little less than an hour, and afterwards they stop for a quick brunch. Rebekah insists on paying.

“That’s how it works, right? The one who asked has to pay, isn’t it?” she asks, and it’s that coy smile again, almost a smirk. Like she knows she has him completely under her thumb.

And she’s right, really; she does. Matt smiles back immediately, laughs, and tells her it’s fine, fine, he gets it. No arguments on this one.

The ride back to the apartment is companionable, almost without silence as they talk, about Brienno, about school, about where Matt might want to go to college. They steadfastly avoid talking about Alexander, weddings, and the people they left behind in Mystic Falls. She tells him there are some lovely hills where they can hike, and thank goodness the weather looks like it will be nice tomorrow. And after that, maybe they can visit some of the shops in town, get some jewelry. They have very nice leather goods, Rebekah insists. He could get himself a nice wallet, or a journal.

By the time they arrive at the apartment, the two are talking in slightly hushed tones, their heads leaned in close together, shoulders brushing each other as they walk. Matt doesn’t flinch once.

 When they close the door behind them, and Rebekah reaches a hand to cup his jaw, he takes the hint and closes the distance between their lips. No hesitation or nerves this time -- just a simple, soft, sweet kiss -- like the one she used to save his life back in Mystic Falls.

Only this time it doesn’t have to end.

When it does, he’s confused, and he reaches up to cup Rebekah’s face. Matt searches her eyes, trying to figure out what she’s thinking, but all he sees is a reticence, a hesitation, that same unsure expression she gets when she’s being especially insecure. He leans in again, and kisses her harder this time -- kisses her with all the pent up frustration he’s been experiencing all year, as Rebekah has yo-yo’d from being someone who might be nice, to someone awful, then back to someone who just wants to be human, to be better. He kisses her like the girl she wants to be, the girl who is human, who _is_ better. The girl who waited for him to come back to life, when no one else seemed to care enough. The girl who asked him what it felt to die, not because she wanted to know, but because she wanted to know how it had affected _him_.

He kissed her like she was the kind of girl who saw Matt Donovan, because oddly enough, she _was_.

When he’d found out Caroline was a vampire, he couldn’t handle it. She was no longer the girl he’d fallen in love with, was no longer someone he could see a future with. When Elena was turned, he’d only been desperate to keep his first love and dearest friend alive. Desperate to help repay the life he owed to her in any way that he could. But with Rebekah, he owes her nothing. In fact, if anything, he should hate her for _everything_. For trying to kill him, for trying to kill his friends. For ever thinking Klaus was someone to trust and love. For still loving Klaus, even now. For hating all of his friends.

But he thinks about her promise, to spend every day trying to find a way to pay Matt back for teaching her she can be the best person, no matter what she is, and he kisses her more deeply, pushing her lips apart, and trying to make her respond.

When she finally does, he smiles into the kiss, then gasps in surprise as her vampire speed kicks in, and she has him pinned to the bed in seconds.

Matt finds it unbelievable that she was able to move like that, and keep him from feeling any kind of pain. He feels a little flutter at the thought.

Rebekah is hovering over him, her mouth open, in a half-grin, half... _something_ expression. Like she’d enjoy eating him alive. Which she probably would, he thinks nervously.

Why did he think dating a vampire was a good idea, again?

It’s another brief second and she’s kissing him again, moving so quickly that Matt’s not even sure how he’s supposed to respond, let alone _think_.

So it’s no surprise that he doesn’t even realize he’s admitted that maybe, just maybe, the whole premise of this trip itself was a lie.


End file.
